Synopsis: Set in an alternate world, one ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires, a legendary Warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) from the last Vampire War lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian cities ruled by the Church. When his niece (Lily Collins) is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires, Priest breaks his sacred vows to venture out on an obsessive quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece's boyfriend (Cam Gigandet), a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess (Maggie Q) who possesses otherworldly fighting skils. Written by Cory Goodman and Min-Woo Hyung, Priest also casts Christopher Plummer and Madchen Amick.
My take: Ok, imagine the Templar Knights learned Krav Maga. Then imagine they have cool weapons and jet-powered motorcycles. Add to that they live in an alternate universe that looks kinda like it came from the minds of the Mad Max creators. And their enemies? Let's have them battle the boss creature from the first Resident Evil, but, not just one, but a whole bunch of them, Oh, and let's make them vampires, too! Now THAT would be a cool movie, huh? Now let's give this film the personality of John Kerry, make the "vampires" as dangerous as a slightly irritated Shar Pei and, instead of Tina Turner in a metal brassier, the "Thunderdome" is a lame office building run by the Catholic Church. Way to fuck it up guys!
How many ways does this film suck? First of all, this film made me uncomfortable in a couple ways. I felt that the film denigrated Native Americans. Blood-thirsty, soul-less, savage beasts locked away on "reservations" just didn't sit well with me. Maybe I'm over reacting. I don't know, but it unnerved me. Then they have society ruled by the Church. The "Church" is quite obviously supposed to represent the Catholic Church. Their portrayal was of an uncaring organization more concerned with image and power than helping those less fortunate. Maybe it's because I was raised Catholic (I'm lapsed now), but I didn't like it.
Let's move on to the acting. The main character shows absolutely no emotion at any time in this film. Did someone just kidnap your niece? Did someone just try to rip your head off? Did someone just shit in your cornflakes? Don't ask me! I can't tell! Paul Bettany was totally flat throughout this entire crapfest. Hell, Keaneu Reeves displayed more emotion in Speed 2: Even Speedier! And he wasn't even in it! (Note: Yes, I know it was Speed 2: Cruise Control, but that movie sucked, too. "Ya know, we should capitalize on the success of Speed by making the same movie, but this time it'll be on a boat!" Great idea, fellas. I prefer my boats to include T-Pain and the guys from Lonely Island. Either that or make it a boat during a Playboy video shoot. Speaking of Playboy, when is Jennifer Aniston going to show the goods? I heard that we almost get a peek in her next film, but that's just a tease. Imagine what it would be like if porn was considered the more legitimate form of cinema. Hollywood would be a much happier place....)
See? That I would veer off topic like that shows just how shitty Priest is. I'm actually kinda pissed I wasted my time watching it. In fact, I'm done talking about it.
Verdict: Crap, crap, crap, crap, and spectacular crap. The film looks sleek and stylish, but that's just a glossy finish on a huge turd!
My rating: Avoid it like the clap!
Genre: Action, Adventure, Horror, Sci-fi, Fantasy
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, disturbing images and brief strong language
Run Time: 1hr 27min
Although I agree with some of your points; I to thought the movie was very lacking; I do not agree with your assessment of the lead actors acting. I thought that it was spot on. He acted like a young man that was taught to do nothing but kill. I am not sure if you go through that level of killing for years upon years and come out with any level of emotion. The movie is just very disjointed. I left not feeling anything thing for anyone. I didn't care about the girl, the villain, the hero, that Asian woman, or the priests that died in that shanty town...lol. All in all excellent review.
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